Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The upside of life

happy road Pictures, Images and Photos

For awhile I've been in a constant struggle with myself, no not with alcohol or drugs nothing of that sort. You can say it has been a struggle with myself, for some time I've been unhappy with the person i was and with my life and no matter how hard i tried to find a way to make things better for myself i just couldn't find some peace. For awhile i was stuck in this deep depression that just didn't seem to go away so i was living day by day unhappy and i just didn't see my life being that way. There were days i wish i didn't wake and nights i couldn't even sleep and in between that i cried till my eyes couldn't tear anymore. I felt as if all the life was just sucked out of me, and for those who have felt what i have than you will know it's not a pleasant feeling. But i knew deep down inside i would have to fight against this because i didn't want to be a person who regret not doing anything for herself. My problem was i didn't know where to start, but to me i didn't care how i started or where i would start as long as i was doing something to improve my life. Unlike many i do have a support system which is my family but most of all my boyfriend and i can't say how grateful i am to have such people in my life. But if it's one person i am grateful for the most is my boyfriend and nothing i can say or do can ever let him know the appreciation i have for him, because although he has seen me at my best, believe that he has seen me at my worst and many might turn away from me and not give a fuck but he does. He was the one to see me cry day and night time after time, having to see me just wasting a way as if life seem meaningless and just a mess. But not once did he turn the cheek and walk away he stuck it out through it all and let me say i am not an easy person to deal with, so i have to say most of my drive is from him. I haven't accomplished much but I'm working on it, I'm taking baby steps to where i got to go, and I'm in no rush. I finally got my permit after wanting it for so long, I'm enrolling into school which I'm looking for to and even though it's nothing big I'm proud of myself for at least trying to make an effort to do something with my life. I can finally say that yea I'm not sure of whats to come and my future isn't quite clear but that I'm in a place that i am truly happy with who i am, and where i am at, and i am truly happy to be with such a beautiful soul that my boyfriend is and blessed to have him in my life. Nothing is ever easy but as there are a down to things there's always a way up, so hang in there.

Friday, March 13, 2009

So my brother has been like really stuck on the movie matrix & he's always explaining it to me and i found it so funny

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Chester French

I love Chester French like Pharell says he's got that mix of beatles and motown with his own little twist, and you can't hate someone who has produced a remake to Jay-z music. Check out his music i love it & it's quite feel good too.

Monday, March 9, 2009


And for once she finds happiness with in her own life & she couldn't ask for anything else.
" Sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling, while missing something at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarantees. Except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life."


& love to me is my everything the way he is my world

Keeping it real

It's funny how now everyone is now wanting to claim how real they are, and how there the realest person we could ever meet. Now everyone want to say how they are so real, and way to blunt to handle, because they speak there mind. Now don't get me wrong i am all up for people having a voice and speaking up for themselves but there is a time, and place for all that. But please this whole real shit is all a joke, and people really need to face it just because you claim your real doesn't mean your real. How many times have i seen fake as bitches, and pussy ass niggas claim how real they are, and how no one wants a piece of them, the same people who are fake, the backstabbers, the hoes, the ghetto bitches, low life niggas, and especially those who go around talking shit behind everyone's back is usually the ones claiming they are so real, when even confronted on there bluff they will lie to the fullest. Now tell me if thats real, and for those who swear there shit don't stink where they feel as if there's god's gift to man kind always talking about people hate on them, because of the fact that there real, i sincerely laugh upon them because no one hates on you because your real, we hate you because you think your gold and honestly you ain't worth shit. And just because you say mean shit or put your two sense in when not needed doesn't mean your real, if no one ask's for your opinion than don't provide one. I can't tell you how many people i know who goes and say shit that ain't even cute, always saying some thing negative to bring you down then end up saying how sensitive you are and that there are such a good friend and thats why they tell it like it is, and all we can do is respect that fact. Real my ass, yeah a friend speaks the truth but not to intentionally speak words to hurt, you say mean shit because you want to not because it was needed. But what i find funny is if the tables would turn they would be hurt and say how foul you are. Another thing that urks me is how people is always talking about how they put some one on to the latest clothes or artist and gets pissed when people start saying how they been knew about it before you brought it to there attention, or how people always talk about people biting off them and want to put them on blast and humiliates them, or like on myspace if someones page has some kind of graphic that you have or your page resembles there's now they want to go hard. Some one is always going to copy off of you regardless on how original you are, just see it as how people must really like your work to find it worth copying. I'm tired of these stank ass people and it all needs to stop. I feel if you are so real as you claim you are you shouldn't have to brag about it and as corny as this might sound you should just be about it because i think those who take act speaks louder than words. I find it to be all to be nonsense and to me it's just looking like alot of wanna be's, and please please can people stop being full of themselves.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009



Have you ever woke up, and wanted to stay in bed, because you basically feel like crap. Well thats how i feel, puffy eyes, running nose, head ache and running nose is what i have, and i hate it. I feel like pure shit, and i can only imagine how unattractive i look, and for me being a person that hates medicine to a person that is drinking every medicine in her cabinet, and nothing seems to work. And it's not like i have any one to take care of me, which is having me wish on the old days when your mom use to tuck you into bed, and attend to your every needs making you soup and tea till you recover. but thats something that deminishes with age and your left to fend for yourself. And it sucks that i feel this way, i hate being sick because i don't have the power to do anything and that means i have to put everything that i usually do, or things i need to do or want to do on hold. I don't mind the headache or the little shivers here or there but i do mind nasal congestion and having to blow my nose constantly, which with me i'm constantly blowing my nose, and now i look like rudolph the red nose reindeer with a huge tissue burn on my face. I tried all the medicine and nothing seems to work, everyone is telling me to try the nasal spray but i don't want to i find it very uncomfortable and just dont like it. I wish there was a magic medicine that works instantly upon using it, because i can't stand to feel this way. All i want is to be pampered and to be cared for, and for someone to help me out, and although my boyfriend is helping me as much as he can, he can't be there all the time i hate the fact that he has to go off for work, and it's not because i'm lazy or want to be lazy i just feel i need a break to recover. Plus i need to figure out which medicines can rapidly work and help me, because vics 44 and theraflu just isn't doing it

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Words of pain

domestic abuse.

Why is it that i feel so trapped?, i try to run just to get pulled back, i try to escape but feel as if i'm going no where. With each day that passes by i feel as if it's the end, the end of who i am, and what makes me well me. I try to breathe deep but i feel as if your hands are around my throat, just making it harder for me to breathe. I cry and i see no remorse, just simple sorries and i forgive because i love, knowing that those sorries hold no meaning but in my heart to me those words are hope. hope that you see what your doing, and see that you need to change. But everytime it's the same old story, i should know by now that those sorries hold no meaning. My mind says to leave, because i deserve it, but my heart says to stay because you deserve it. By day i hold a smile hoping to fool those who believe i'm happy, because god forbid they must see my pay, but by night i toss and turn pillow full of tears, and those nights that once we're filled with dreams are now filled with nightmares, nightmares that consist of you. Tears run down my face day by day, and i wonder will they ever stop, i think to myself how can someone you love just build you up just to bring you down. When you think all is good, and the world seems to be nothing but a dream, than with a blink of an eye that is all gone, because the one you love chooses to let it shatter. Now what am i do, when you say such mean things, you say your going to change, and you say you will be better, but that's never the case, change never comes. Why can't you respect me and except me for who i am, you say it's normal to fuss and fight and that i know is true, but what we have is unhealthy and sometimes i question if my life my love with you is true. Why must you feel that your always right as if my decisions and all i believe is wrong, i thought we were suppose to play it fair, but when i do something you dislike you scream and shout fuss and fight and say such horrid things. Your words are like a thousand swords just ripping through my flesh, and i'm not excpected to give the slightest scream, because it's not allowed. Why must you treat me like some random object, your not my father nor my mother so why demand such things. We are to be as equal as one, but you divide us. How can you love me so dearly, but hurt me and tear me apart within minutes, do you not care. I call it abuse, and you say how come i refer it to as abuse when you never once touched me. And that may be true, but in all the while your words are harsh and set to hurt, which to me it hurts for it is breaking my heart and with out my heart i simply might die. For you may not have touched me in such hurtful ways, but you say such hurtful words leading to verbal abuse. I need to escape, my mind, the pain, my heart for loving you, but most of all i need to escape you. Why must you continue to hurt me when all i do is love you, i may not be perfect, and i may do things that may urk you or piss you off, but never will i treat you the way i do. By acting this way you bring back such scornful memories, that i chose to leave behind, why must you do this why must you kill me, why must you. When will you see what your doing is wrong?, when will the change occur, when will you realize you love me and love doesn't consist of this, when will you realize it all. What i feel is you might never realize it or realize it once i'm gone.


Hello Kitty


In my latest blog i spoke about the newest line to Mac's cosmetics which is Hello kityy, which i had explained it was a must have. I have to say this was one time i had fell into the whole hype around this new line, i fell in love with it as soon as i saw pictures and i knew ii had to have it. But i didn't want to get my hopes up too high, although Mac is known for there excellent makeup, they we're introducing such very different things, and what happens with hype usually comes disappointment in finding out that things aren't as great as expected. So with my mind set, i decided to check things out for myself and decide. Minutes upon walking into the Mac store after looking around, i instantly laid my eyes upon everything Hello kitty, and i was hooked like a kid in a candy store. Although there selection wasn't really big due to the items selling out like hot cakes, still had appeal to them, and even though i wanted to take everything there with me, i decided to buy a compact that came in such a cool color. The colors for this line, is very bright, and girly good for the summer, and might look at to scary, because no girl wants to look like a clown, they have makeup assistance where they will let you try the makeup before purchasing. I fell in love with the pink rosy blush called tippy but ended up getting a powder compact in tahitian which was so smooth on my face, and gave me such a natural glow, and it didn't feel as if i didn't have any makeup on, and it i looked the part as well, which i love. Now they have lip gloss, eye shadows, blushes, beauty powder, to littile accessories such as makeup bags, charm bracelets, to a little doll of hello kitty. But my favorite part of the visit is that they give you a free little tote bag with any hello kitty purchase, you don't even have to buy much just one item and the bag is yours.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

misconception on love


Why must people act so stupid for the sake of love?, how come when love comes into the picture people suddenly have no common sense. I hate how everyone has this misconception about love and how perfect it is when in reality everyone knows that there's no such thing as perfect. As love has a good side it also has it's bad sides, and nothing is ever easy it take hard work, and dedication. I understand why people might for in love with the idea of being in love for what they heard is such an amazing feeling, but there's way more to it which you have to be ready for, because love is an emotional rollercoaster. Usually people are so quick to rush to find someone to fall in love with that there judgement isn't always the best, and usually settle for the first thing that comes there way, because they want to experience love, but if it isn't the right person things won't go as plan. Just like everything in life things take time, and understanding to be great. I hate how people love the idea, but never want to work for it. I hate how people see me and my relationship, and say it's perfect well your wrong things just didn't come together for me, i worked hard to get where i'm at. It took so many tears, so much, pain the ups and downs for things to be as good for me as they are now, nothing is ever given. Love shouldn't be played with or taken for granted, which it seem's as if love is losing all meaning. Why must people use the word so losely how can you love one person one day, but the next say you have someone new and all of a sudden your saying you love them, it all just seems to funny to me. People today seems so desperate and they seem to be giving any one the time of day, can't you see how sad it is when right off the back your saying you love some one and letting them take advantage of you, because all they see you as is just a piece of ass. Or how many woman just throw themselves at men, or get so clingy just because he pays you just the slightest of attention. Your suppose to give your heart to someone who deserves it, not just because a guy wants to fuck you. Don't confuse sex for love, because if thats all he seeing, thats all it is. And what's sad to me is that many girls know this, and read to far into it, sex is just sex to most so what might be an act of passion for you may not be the same for someone else. When someone loves you they will make it known, and do everything in there power to make you happy. There's girls i know that all they ever were was ass to a guy, and knew that's all they were, but continue to persue him when he made his intensions very clear, and i sit here laughing thinking to myself your just a fool to allow him to get over on you, where your saying you love him, and he's out doing him like you seize to exist. He pays no mind to you, and it's sad because i know a girl who she's like deeply in love with this kid, and she says he feels the same but he never takes her out, and she's always up his ass, and he does nothing for her except lay the pipe on her, and she continues to claim him as her man and she makes up all the excuses why they have no pictures together. They only time they spend together is late at night when he picks up the phone to call her and say come over he pipes and sends her on her way. He doesn't even treat her to at least mcdonalds when she's hungry. But it's sad how she tries to convince herself he loves her. I hate to see how girls use sex to keep a man, if he wants to leave, he will always leave and nothing can change that. Someone should love you for what you have, and not because you open your legs. Love and sex are to different things so don't confuse sex for love, sex should be something you want to do, and not because you feel you have to in order to keep someone, where's the dignity, where's the self respect. Now bitches want to wonder how come there a single mother on welfare with a dead beat for a father, because your putting so much into just a booty call. But what urks me the most is that people got the nerve to compare what they have with what i have, and in all honesty your far from it. For what i have is in actual love, and is everything to not only me but him. So girls respect your self and stop being just pussy, because that ain't classy

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Girl interrupted

Lately my mind seems to be running in so many directions, and i just can't seem to put a stop to it. My mind is clutter with thoughts that i just can't make out, and the more i try to make sense the more i feel as if i'm going insane. Why am i attacking myself for what was brought upon me. I never agreed to take on such responsibilties that i was yet not ready for, i wasn't ready to take on caring for another life. I could barely keep my life together so how did it all make sense that i would care for two more. No cared to hear me out, and when i spoke, i was considered selfish, and ignorant, but how do i take on something i have no knowledge of, where if something goes wrong it's my fault. I didn't want to take on such challenge. How come noone ever thought how would i feel, what toll this might take on me. Now i'm stuck feeling like i can't breathe, where every decision i make is being veiwed closely under a microscope. I feel as if i'm being shred to pieces for trying my best, where my best is never good enough. Everyone tells me you have to be strong, you have to keep cool. Fuck being calm fuck being cool or strong or whatever it is that you want me to be, because the truth is i just can't. How can i when i'm being attacked for my efforts left and right, and screaming is just a waste, because they'll just drown that out as if i seize to exist. I want an end to this on going nightmare when will enough be enough. Where's the understanding, where's the apprecitaion for all that i've done. Just thrown into the sharks to save you, and i don't even get a thank you. But i carry on with a smile, and act as all is fine just because i'm told to it's not. have you ever thought that i feel abandoned, and i know it's wrong of me to say because your in so much pain. But i can't continue to act as if all is fine, when in all reality i'm not. I'm panicking and i don't know what to do, i feel as if my best is just not enough. And everything that could go bad does go bad,and things continue to turn for the worst. I need to break free, but i'm stuck here till you come back, and it's hurts me so much, because as i await for your arrival, my thoughts are slowly eating me alive. Why does this have to happen to me, i just feel torn and hurt and stuck in pain and i just can't find an end to it. I wish i could wake up from it all, but i can't because unlike a dream this is real, and it's what i call my life.

Is Octomom selfish?

This shit is crazy

Monday, February 23, 2009

Must have

ok so due to the fact of all my love for the internet, i thought it would be a good idea to put together a list of things i thought a girl should have. Because god knows we always have an urge to buy new things it's in our blood. Although pink isn't one of my favorite colors i can't help but adore hello kitty. So i found a couple of items i can't seem to resist. For starters like this hello kitty ice pack, it's small but yet cute & even though we might get bruised or sore & need an ice pack it's cute to help your boo in style.

Now i was actually looking for a cupacke sippee cup with a straw but instead i got this hellokitty cupcake cup, which is still so adorable.

If you know me, you know that i love love music, and for awhile i've been looking for some speakers for my ipod. But every speaker i came across with were just bulky, until i came across the hello kitty speakers, where she sits on top as a Dj.


I also love coffee, and hate those old fashion coffee makers that my grandma uses, if your spanish you know what i'm talking about those bulky metal tin cans lol, so i found these coffee makers that i fell in love with. I love the pink one, because i think it's cuter, but since i'm not crazy with pink i would probably purchase the black one.



And last but least of all things hello kitty which i think is a must have is the mac hello kitty makeup collection, which comes in such cute fun colors, and it's in black rather than the usual white & pink. Which i'm dying to have, it's a must have.


On to other things that i found, sticking to the whole makeup thing a girls neccessity is her makeup along with a make up bag, and what better way to mix one of my favorite things with my favorite designer Besty Johnson. Now i'm not a fan of shinning things but i can't help but love this makeup bag in gold.

which i also think it can be used as a purse and would look good with a banging outfit.


Another item from Besty johnson that i fell in love with instantly on seeing it is the leopard coat that Hanna beth is wearing, which you can mix it into a day time look and also a night time look, plus i think every girl should have something leopard in her closet.

Accessories to me is always a must have and it always brings an outfit together. Bangles are always good to have and they go with everything but these bangles stuck out, because of the sayings which are too cute. now i've been hearing shit about these bangles how they are a knock off from a designer who uses real mammoth tusk which i do not agree with. I actually perfer the plastics, because it's not hurting any animals, i do not agree with animal cruelty. Besides you can buy bangles for a dollar and take a sharpie write a saying than coat it with clear nail polish, and there is something of your own.


I'm all up for decorating and lifting up the mood of an enviroment with tiny details, and which better way than stuff animals and cute figurines. Now i love these teddy bears which there not the typical cute bears, in fact there the complete opposite, which you can find at hot topic for only 20 bucks.


also i've been into this fafi madness where it's spreading rapidly which these figurines are so cute.


and who says you can't take cuteness with you, girls have to be fashionably cute where ever they go so why not your wallet. I love domo so these wallets are awesome.


urinals for women


Strange right?, well thats what i thought to. I was watching Chelsea Lately when they discussed that a line of woman urinals were made called " Go girl" for woman on the go who want to pee standing up. Personally i find that very weird?, why would we want pee standing up, i can only imagine how uncomfortable it would be to pee in one of those things. Unlike men we cannot aim for the target so we probably will end up with piss all over our legs. I know that many of times when i was stuck outside, and had to go i would say i wish i can go anywhere like the guys did, but never said i wish i could pee standing up. Plus it isn't as if we can go where ever we want with these urinals, we still have to go find a place to piss in a urinal, and it's just not me. So if pee standing up is your thing than this is for you, so enjoy.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Kanye's insane rampage


Ok so i know i've been kind of late with this whole Kanye West madness, but what in the hell possessed him to do this whole mullet thing, does he actually thinks this looks good?. Who ever is his stylist must seriously be fired, and i'm most definitely awaiting on the response of his family who are so stuck on him, and suck him really hard, who follow his every move. Now don't get me wrong his music and producing are pretty good, i can't argue with that fact. But is it me or is it that his music and his producing is all he has, because when it comes to be smart that's one thing that Mr. Kanye West does not have. Recently he was interviewed, and was caught saying " I am so secure with myself, that i can talk to gays. Before i was scared of gays, because they were so violent, and now i can go to paris and blantly know who's gay". Now doesn't that sound kind of ignorant, because it sure does sound like it to me. Lately Kanye has been bragging about how he is so secure about being around gays, what is he trying to prove?, is he trying to prove that he is not gay?. Anyone who starts a conversation with I am so secure with who i am is clearly gay, and your not fooling anyone Kanye with that mullet it just screams gay. But what is so funny is how he explains the reason that he was homophobic before was for the simple fact that the gays were violent, since gays are known to be violent. And what is he trying to say when he says he goes to paris and can pick out a gay, as if paris is the only place to find gays. I just think Kanye should keep his mouth shut, and just stick to what he know's. Who knew that such a person who makes good music, can say such dum things.


drake Pictures, Images and Photos

Everyone knows i'm not to crazy for rap music, but this is like one of my favorites right now. I love him

but i'm so fucking hooked on his shit. plus i loved him in degrassi, who knew lol.


So if you haven't heard Kid-cudi is making it big on the music scene, and all the props to him and his success. But what bothers me i how before his name was thrown out there, and no one knew who he was people kind of looked down upon him and wasn't quite into his music. I can actually say that there were a handful of people that i know that actually acknowledged his music before the hype. Of coarse it's expected for his audience to grow, but i respect it more if it's for the love of his music rather than, because it's the current trend. I can't say that i know much about his music or even call myself a fan, but i'm quite familiar with who he is due to a couple of my friends who are die hard music fans. I just hate the fact how everything now is a simple trend, rather than the love of the music. I would respect it more if you it came from the pure enjoyment rather than just because thats what everyone else is listening to. Hey i aint mad at you Kid-cudi keep doing your thing.

Coraline inspired

If you haven't already watched Coraline the movie, i suggest that you do so, and if you loved the movie like i did than you would love this Nike dunks that were inspired by the movie. I love the details to these sneakers especially the glow in the dark soles, there pretty awesome, and i'm looking forward to me copping a pair.

Chris brown Vs. Rhianna drama

Of coarse like everyone else i heard the news about how Chris brown abusing Rihanna, now what i find to be so amusing is how everyone and there mother seems to be shocked and appauled by his action. Why is this case so unusual?, everyone acts as if they never heard about physical abuse in a relationship, is it because there are famous?. The media seems to be having a field day with this. it goes from Chris brown hitting her, to biting her, to him founding out that Rihanna has herpes and that was the reason why he took his anger at her. What ever the case may be everyone is shocked and hurt that it was Chris Brown, i don't understand why everyone puts him so high up on a pedastale as if he was GOD, well he isn't he' human like everyone else who makes mistakes, which he happens to sing, dance and act and make lots of money. I hate the fact that everyone feels just because someone is famous they can do no wrong, well the truth is they can, and instead of everyone feeling sympathetic for Chris Brown you should actually feel sympathy for Rihanna. I can only imagine the pain that she must be going through knowing the person she loves is capable of doing so much harm to her, and the fact that she has no privacy and everyone is watching her under a microscope reminding her constantly of what she went through. This situation is between the two of them, shit happens now let it go, and move on. How does it feel to know the person you idolize isn't the person you thought he was?. People are so stuck on this fairy tale image of Chris brown when in reality you don't know him from a whole in the wall, well except for what you see on Tv, its kind of sad how people worship the ground that theses celebrities walk on SMH.

Friday, February 20, 2009


who says a weave isn't that great. This lady thinks different

Banned commercials

So i was looking through youtube and came upon these commercials that were banned. Hilarious so enjoy.

sorry i got kind of carried away, but they were so funny lol

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My little secret

For those who know me, know that when it comes to style thats something i don't have at all. You can say i'm color coordinated retarded. I don't know what looks good together, or what might be fashionable, and i don't follow trends. When i get dressed it's never planned, i just throw on the first thing that catches my eye that day. So when i went shopping in old navy with the novio, i found it kind of shocking when a couple of ladies complimented on how they liked my outfit, and how they love how i pulled off that care free throw on what ever they find kind of look, but what was so funny is that it wasn't intended to look a certain way, i actually do dress that way. What i find so funny is how they we're dying to know how i pulled off the look without looking bummy. So since i've been asked so many times what i do, i just decided to share. For one if your as lazy as me, and if you know me i'm one person who dislikes to wash her hair alot, and barely combs her hair. I usually have unruly curls that are always knotted, so you will usely find me wearing a hat. which i own in every style, in every color, which hats are good to wear if your having a bad hair in which i usually am. I love funky hats, in many colors to match the many outfits you might have. I love buying my hats at H & M, you can always count on them to have such cute hats, and what's awesome about the store is that you can buy mens hats that can suite woman also.
What's also cool about this store is that the prices of hats range from any where from $3.00 to $20.00, so you don't have to worry about burning a hole into your pocket.

Before i put the hat on i like to put on a creme that conditions your hair, i usually go with anything coconut scented, because when wearing a hat your head tends to sweat so you don't want your hair smelly musty and your hat smelling bad either so, it'll keep your hair smelling good through out the day.

When i don't feel like going through the whole routine of putting on my makeup, and i actually want to go for a more natural look, i usually leave my face bare and just apply some mac concealer to the little flaws on my face such as pimples i usually wear a color close to my skin, and if you have dark circles as i do i cover them up with mac concealer in a shade a little lighter than my skin tone, which it covers up the dark circles and lightens up my face drawing attention to my eyes which i think are my one of my best features.

This concealer goes for about $15.00 and you don't have to cake so much on, so if use correctly it can last.

For my finishing touch which i usually use chapstick which has to be my number one addiction. now my problem with chapstick is that it leaves that nasty white residue around the corners of your lips. Which i found Nivea to be perfect which not only conditions my lips, but also puts some shine as if you applied lip gloss, and it doesn't leave any white residue. What's even better that they come in all different colors and flavors, and some even have a lil tint which i perfer a kiss of cherry flavor.
You can even subsitute this chapstick for lipstick and it isn't pricely at all it will cost you about $2.00 which you can find in any drug store.

And thats all there is to it. hope i was kind of helpful in a way.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

M.I.A. Prego's. where was I?

So as it seems M.I.A. has been prego's and i didn't know, can some one tell me where the fuck was I?. Now she looks cute prego's but thats the least i can't say about her wardrobe decision. No me gusta. Now who's the babys daddy?

A never ending Nightmare

No matter what I do, I can't seem to wake from this nightmare that I am in. It's like im stuck in some kind of horror movie, something like Nightmare on Elm Street to be exact. Where your stuck in this nightmare and you think you woke up and all is fine, but just to find out your still stuck in the nightmare that you thought you left. Well that's how I fucking feel, and im stuck with this knot in my stomach, and my heart feels like it has dropped to my ass. My heart breaks to see my little brother miserable in pain. In and out of the hospital with him is something I can not stomach, I can not see him in this condition. It hurts so much to see him like this, that I can not stop the tears from falling. If having a kid is like this than I don't think I can deal, I can hardly face this, I can only imagine seeing one of my own like this. I can imagine what a parent must go through, and I feel like im losing my mind. When will this all be over?. I need a vacation :(


I wish I could fucking rip my utereous out and shred it to pieces, because I can't stand to bare this crucial aching pain, this stabbing pain in my stomach that I wish would go away, but like the demon it fucking is it chooses to stay. Why must I be punished, what have I done to deserve this. I blame it all on eve, why did she have to be such a dum bitch and eat the forbidden fruit, now im paying for her sins. What the fuck is this if one bitch fucks up we all have to pay, when did this become a team effort, I didn't sign up for this shit. I wish I was drugged up beyond belief so I don't have to feel this pain. ughhh HELP!!!

Scared Cold

It's been two months since my mom fell very ill, and landed in the hospital leaving me to take on the responsibility of caring for the household including my two little brothers. I do of coarse have my step dad with me, but that's like not even having anybody at all. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my mom or that im not scared shitless or that im not stressed out of my mind beyond belief, because truth be told I am and none of this is easy. I didn't know so much could go wrong, and that there was so much to handle. I'm use to everything handed to me on a silver platter, and now I'm the one taking charge and calling the shots and as it is all new for me it is all very scary. It hurts to hear that my moms condition is very severe, and the chances of her dying compare to living is much greater. I can't see a world with out her, and although we fuss and fight I love her and need her here by myside to guide me. It takes so much strength for me to keep my composure and continue on, and now I appreciate and understand how strong of a person my mom is to handle this all and I miss her very much. Just thinking of it makes me cry, having to pay the bills and worry about the kids and taking care of them which both of them are very sick beyond belief and it scares me to see them that way, I didn't know taking care of another life besides your own could be so difficult and frustrating, but it is. I'm in charge of cleaning, cooking and all that a mother does to keep her house in order and let me say it isn't easy. I feel like running away, because this all too much for me to handle, and I try not to break down and cry but even that is so hard to do. I thank god that I have my boyfriend to help me through the way, and he has been so helpful to me that I am forever greatful. But I fear for what's to come what happens if this is permanant, and my mom does not return how will I deal. I'm scared for my life, and here I am at 4:57 in the morning watching my little brother sick out his mind vomiting in front of me, and me making him soup and trying to do the best I can to make him feel better. It hurts so bad to see him cry saying he misses mom and that he wish she was here, because she knows how to make him feel better. I've never seen him this sick, and hopefully it'll get better. I pray that all this will get better, and I pray that my mom will also get better and return. My faith in god right now is so strong that im putting everything in his hands, because honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I just miss my mom, and want her back so badly, I want things to be how they were before, and I wish nothing but to wake up from this nightmare that I've been living in for these couple of months :(

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Bad Girls Club. says who?

After hearing everybody talk so much about this show the Bad Girls Club, and me of coarse getting sick of hearing about it, I decided to check it out. Feeding into the hype I was actually looking forward to watching it, and much to my surprise I was very disappointed in seeing how these so call " Bad Girls" were not even bad at all, but just dum. Nothing about them screamed " Bad" and for the whole epoisode they just acted really dum, after making a complete ass of themselves in vegas posing as show girls and fucking up in front of everyone, because they cannot dance at all. And the highlight of the show is with these two dum blondes who wanted to get married which if you ask me was all a joke, but ended up getting kicked out of a chapel cuz the lady minister was a physcotic non lesbian lover. But there having a whole marathon on this shit so we'll see. If you ask me I seen way worse bitches than these.

Monday, February 9, 2009

The birthday surprise

So my boyfriends birthday is coming up and its finally my turn to surprise him with something awesome after all that he did for me on my birthday. And let me say it was awesome the best birthday I ever had, because he chose to go all out. So I think its only fair that I return the love and do the same, but I don't even know where to start seeing he deserves the world, and believe me if I could give him the world I would serve it to him on a silver plater. My plan at first was to learn to cook something so amazing but since I already learn how to cook and he has eaten my food not much of a surprise is there. But im qood at baking and I can bake my ass off, but I don't just want to bake just any cake I want to bake him a cake he will never forget. Something like a layer cake with all the pretty decorations but I don't know how to do any of that. So if anyone has any advice or suggestions or anything useful just let me know :)

Best weekend

Ok so for the past month and a half I've been stuck within my home without seeing the day of light well for the exception of going food shopping for the house of coarse. Since my mom fell ill I had to take over the task of being a mom which includes cooking, cleaning, and doing other motherly stuff that comes with having a family. I thought it would be easy, seeing how I always said how I could do it with no problem and how I didn't understand what was all the fuss was about when my mom complained how tiring and hard it was to be her. And let me tell you I was so wrong, and I can't tell you how much I miss my mom. Its not easy balancing out a whole schedule for the day such as get kids ready for school, take them school, feed them, clean them, help them do homework, while cooking, cleaning and food shopping on the other hand. I have no time for myself to relax, because where I clean on one spot the other is a mess. So now I truly have a much more appreciation for my mom. And I know when she returns from the hospital I know that this whole routine will continue, because my mom is now paralyzed in one arm and can hardly walk and I don't think I would mind continuing as long as she was back home.

But friday my aunt decided that I need some time to myself, so she took the kids for the weekend and for the first time in awhile I had an open weekend which turned out to be complete awesomeness :)

Friday me and the hubby went out to the movies to see Coraline, and I have to say that movie was so cute I loved it, although the hubby was kind of snoozing, where we ended the night cuddling in bed watching tv till we fell asleep.

Saturday my friend Danny came to see me from Long island, and we went to see The Pink panther 2 funny as movie and than we went to eat dinner at red lobster, which the food was amazingly good and I ended the night falling asleep in the arms of the hubby.

Sunday I cleaned up before my stepdad returned from D.R. but it was fun, because me and the hubby bugged out, than before the kids came we watched three movies, Nick & Norahs infinate playlist, which I loved, Bride wars which was Ehh ok, and The uninvited which wasn't scary as expected but surprising. Than I ended the night going to bed with the kids and the hubby.

So I have to say that was the best weekend I have ever had in awhile. And it didn't hurt that my outfits were cute too :)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

My Bestfriend


Not just my boyfriend, & not only my everything, but also my bestfriend, because a love like ours is so unconditional we hold no boundries. I love you baby with all my heart. I wouldn't have it any other way :)

No such thing as friends

I've never been a fan of having friends ever since I was little I kept to myself. It wasn't because I couldn't make any friends, I just never really like people in general. I especially didn't click well with other girls for the simple fact that they were all just "BITCHES ", there they were thinking each and everyone single one of them were the shit unfucking touchable as if they we're god or something like it. Which I wanted no part of, because along with bitch comes that diva attitude where they can say and do what they please, and I just wasn't down for all that. They all were like dolls kindness not included each and everyone of them never different, but all the same, they all dress the same act the same. Along with there bitchiness came slutiness,backstabbing, twofaced gossiping whores, and I was sure I wanted no part. I stuck close to my guy friends, because I knew they would never do me wrong, but as I grew my mom said I had to be more lady like and social so I tried to have friends especially girls and I can say that never worked out, im 21 with no friends that are girl they came they went and were surely not missed. And let me tell you I've never been in so much trouble than I have when I associatted myself with a broad. They have such big ass mouths that get them in so much fucking trouble it's unbelievable. There immature and so fucking rude on belief. They have no fucking self morals where they sweat and stalk a guy who can give two shits about them. They suck fuck and lick to get there way, and its like where the fuck is your self respect. I just choose to stay away from that I feel im to grown for the drama. And as for guy friends there are none, because these days are just as bad and everything relvolves around pussy. Go Figure. I simply don't have any patience for all this nonsense, so I choose to stick to myself, that way I'm never stressed, or bothered or disappointed from what others do. Some say I'm like an old lady, because I stick to my man and that's all I stick to. Well let me be an old lady because I'm happy with my baby, because I never have to go through the shit that bitches bring.

and for those who feel offended by this, I really don't give a fuck, because than it might apply to you.

Friday, February 6, 2009


So one thing I realized is that everytime I get into a conversation with some one way or another someone asks the question what is your biggest fear or what do you fear the most?. Even in those dum myspace surveys there's always a question based on fears. I know that its normal for everyone to fear something, but what I have noticed over the years of being asked about what it is I fear I realized that I not only fear a couple of things but a lot. And since I didn't know what were the names of most of my fears i decided to look them up which I found out there is even a phobia list filled from A to Z of the many phobia's there is and since I've been hooked into finding out how many phobia's I havem and trust me when I say I have a lot. Well here's a few of my fears.
Achluophobia- fear of darkness

Agoraphobia- fear of open spaces or of being in crowded places,fear of leaving your safe place.

Anthropophobia- fear of people or society.

Anuptaphobia- fear of staying single

Athazagoraphobia- fear of being forqotten, or iqnored or forqettinq

Automatonophobia- fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax, statues, anything that falsly represents a sentient being.

Autophobia- fear of being alone or of oneself

Bogyphobia- fear of bogeys or the bogeyman.

Claustrophobia- fear of confined spaces.

Clithrophobia- fear of being enclosed.

Demonophobia- fear of demons.

Enosiophobia- the fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.

Gerascophobia- fear of growing old.

Glossophobia- fear of speaking in public or trying to speak.

Hadephobia- fear of hell.

and that's just to name a few, because the list goes on but I thought it would be to much. Now im stuck with thinking is there something wrong with me? or is it natural to fear so many things?. Well either way I can't deny that I have these fears and hopefully one day I can face them. But feel free to let me know what your fear is and why.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Not just any love story

Ever since I can remember I've always had my heads up in the clouds. You can say I was something of a dreamer, my mom always said I lived in a fantasy world and need to come back down to earth. But of coarse with me being so hard headed I just pushed what she had to say aside. And trust me did I fall flat and hard on my ass. I always had this cinderella concept of love where you find your prince charming and fall madly in love and than you live happily ever after. How I quickly found out that was a crock of shit. I dated in search of something I had no clue of and I went through the motions where girl meets guy, girl thinks she's in love or deeply in like, guy turns out to be a jerk and there goes the end of that. There was my problem I was in such a rush in such a hurry to find love when I didn't know how it felt. I only went by what I heard and thought I saw, which I soon found out that most of the people that told me how happy and in love they were was all a crock of shit, it was just a way not to show how crappy of a relationship they were in. I always said that would never be me, be someone who stays in a relationship miserable and unhappy, especially when my parents split. But I ended up finding myself in the same exact relationship I promised I wouldn't be in. So here I was with this guy who everyone warned me about, my family hated him, and arguements out the whaa zoo. I never paid any mind to the signs that told me to run as fast and far away as possible but as stupid as I was I stayed and dealt with the nonsense that came with him such as his physco family who were so crazy I don't even know how they weren't arrested or put in the circus. I also dealt with all his verbal abuse and physical, all the embarrassment . Not to mention his bad habit with infidelity. He hurt and I forgave thought I was in love, because we almost made it into our one year mark but he decided that single was what he wanted so he let me go, now I was hurt im not going to lie, of coarse I thought I was in love had to be if I was with him for so long even got him tattooed to me. But as time went by I moved on and did the whole dating which didn't turn out so good. If it wasn't one thing it was another I couldn't find myself or force myself to be happy with any of these guys, they all seemed to be jerks, and very rude and only wanted one thing sex sex sex. I was betrayed by friends who I tried dating, and it was than when I finally realized enough was enough I so badly feened for love but had no clue how it felt, so I decided to give up on this whole finding love I started to lose faith and just think it was all a figure of our imagination. It wasn't till love found its way to me, well I didn't know it at first, because it came to me in disguise. I know many of you has been through this situation friend likes you but you don't see friend like that. Well I didn't know that secretly my friend had liked me, and besides I didn't see him like that but let me tell you although I didn't see him more than a friend I can't lie he was so hot and that didn't go unnoticed everyone at school was on him like flies on shit, but still I didn't see him in that light it was till my friend Nati told me to try because she could see he really liked me, and so I said what the hell, and it wasn't till we kissed that for the first time in my life I felt butterflies and actually turned red, we took things slow, and ten months later we're together and im in love. Of coarse we have our differences and at times we are at eachothers throat, but we're always there for one an other, and nothing compares to the way he makes me feel, nothing else seems to exist and when im sad or mad it never last and at the end im happy that its with him I feel the way I do. And it never gets old that each and everytime we kiss I feel the butterflies. I can actually say I found someone who excepts me for me, through the good the bad and the ugly and trust me I have many of those, he excepts me for my moodiness and my bad habits, and he loves me the same. Never have I felt so comfortable with anyone the way I do with him. He's my everything and I wouldn't have it any other way, because what I learned is love is not how long your with someone but going through the good, the bad, the ugly and making through the obstacles that come your way and being able to come out loving each other the same way you did going in, nothings ever perfect but the imperfections and the moments are what makes it all worthwhile, and I guess fairytale endings do happen just let them come to you. Love is unexpected so let it happen unexpectedly.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

It can happen to you

So while I was flipping through the channels, because i 've basically seen every episode of CSI or the real world I stumbled on something that caught my attention on channel 51 called THS investigation which the topic was " Love that kills". Which basically was how lovers turn into pyscho's and kill there partners and well we all know how that ends up very violent and gruesome, and some one ends up dead. But there was one story told about how a lot of women were turning up postive for H.I.V. . Ok so I know what your thinking these bitches are stupid, and don't know how to play it safe. Well yea who wouldn't think that but that wasn't the case the virus was spread by someone they trusted. Now he's being charge for attempeted murder and is now facing life in jail, because to known evidence he knew he held the H.I.V. virus and decided to continue on in his "sexcapades" as I would like to call it. In his defense he said he had no knowledge and when he was told that he was a suspect in spreading the virus among thousands of girls he said he went to get tested but never received results. And when asked how come he didn't use the precautions in having safe sex he simply replied " I don't believe in condoms, I don't like them". He blames these actions on fast living, fast women and fast drugs. So that goes to show you never really know what people are capable of doing even when you trust them, and never think that things can never happen to you, because the truth is it can. And another thing is if someone you love is abusing you verbally or physically it's not only hurting you mentally but it can escalade into more so becareful and don't be scared to reach out for help, because as much as you think you know someone you never really know them 100 %.

with that being said I will try and find the interview for this and post it, and will be fixing my blog when I can, because I can't do much from a kick. thank you

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Trapped pregnancy

One thing I don't quite understand is why would anyone in there right mind would go as far as trapping a guy by getting pregnant. Now I know that there are many girls out there that feel co-dependent of there man or feel that maybe having a kid would repair the damage to there relationship or even have them stay but in nearly every situation that isn't even the case. I'm not coming out of no where with this I know a girl who has recently made 10 months with the guy she's with and she got pregnant when they were at 9 months now to her it was a relationship but clearly to him he didn't see it that way and she felt if she had a baby he would stay, because his plans were to leave her, he couldn't even stand her. But he stayed because he realized he had to own up to what he had done, and now she's complains how he's just a jerk and he plays her. he does what he please and he treats her like shit so where does that leave her alone and pregnant not to mention miserable. So tell me is it worth giving up your life to a man that's not even worth it. Come on girls where's your self respect, your dignity, trapping a guy into pregnancy isn't the right thing to do if he doesn't want you let him go, know when you do stupid things like this it not only hurts you but the baby you carry. these girls need to wisen up because a man isn't everything and if a man is determined to leave he'll leave so be smart and think.

Reality tv

Now im one who's all up for reality tv, lets face it what's better than having the drama and the entertainment of people making fools out of themselves in front of the camera for the world to see. Besides its the safe way to gossip and have a quick laugh without actually getting into a messy situation. And although im all up for reality tv, but lets get serious we basically seen it all, and its like the creators don't know what to come up with. Shows like the " real world" which has been playing on Mtv for awhile doesn't seem to get old well with me any way. But reality shows based on love has been playing out quickly. When the " flavor of love" aired on Vh1 I have to say I fed into the hype and loved the show even to the second " flavor of love" but when it got to the third my interest to the show was hanging by a string. When they had introduced " I love New york" I was excited and when I heard there was a second one I also was interested. And I have to admit I loved the " rock of love" one and two, but than Vh1 decided to kick off yet other seasons such as the " rock of love tour bus" or shows such as " charm school for the rock of love girls and flavor of love girls" I have to say come on when are you going to realize you played out the glory of such shows and it's time to come forward with new shows but they continue they even had " love with real and chance" and now there going to air a show with Brandy's brother Ray j where he's looking for love and I got to say I have no interest in watching that shit what so ever. I seen it all before, I think its time for new and fresh ideas and it's 09 its time to have new things so I guess we will see, because to me reality is seeming to become dull with each moment where's the excitement man.

Friday, January 23, 2009

A Stand still

So for the past couple of nights sleep has become non-existant and resting my eyes has been quite difficult. tossing and turning for the most is what my night consist of, and the nights I do nod off seem to be filled with bits and pieces of a dream that I find it hard to make out, and I don't know why this is. lately I've been kind of a debby downer as you may say, and I don't know why because for the most part im happy with my life, but I feel as if something is missing and I can't seem to put my finger on it but I do feel that I have a void that needs to be filled. Now don't get me wrong my life is filled with all the love that I need, and im in an amazing relationship but for some reason I feel im at some kind of stand still and I don't even know what direction to go in. I feel as if im relying on my boyfriend and our relationship to make things better and that's not how I want things to be. but don't jump into the conclusion that im co-dependent on my relationship im still independent. but it's like you know when you feel down you run to your safe place to fix it all some run to drugs or liquor or something that makes them happy well that's what I have been doing. I always thought once I finished h.s. my life would just fall into place but how I was wrong, because as I have realize things just don't happen like that, and it bothers me not to know what's my next move what's best for me. I feel as life has become the same thing for me just this same old routine and I'm so over it, I need to start working on what's best for me and start paving the way of a new path, but as im scared of this I also don't know how to go about it. so what am I do to? when I'm clueless of it all.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Johnny cupcakes vs. Pastry's

So recently i have gotten into this clothing line called Johnny cupcakes where the line consist on such themes as cupcakes and pastries which seems quite cool; what drew me to this line was that the clothes are simple yet cute and not over the top and has such cute slogans such as make cupcakes not war. What i liked the most was basically the story behind it and how he tried to make his line of clothing well known, but as i have noticed is that he has came into conflict with another clothing line which you may all know called Pastries which is founded by the daughters of Rev run and there line also consist of the same theme. But as Johnny cupcakes has pointed out there has been a very similiar resemblence between the two lines.

"Randomly putting baked items on t-shirts and having an entire brand revolve around it is free for anyone to do. I don't own food. However, I did indeed start this brand of mine 8 years ago, having it's main focus be revolved around cupcakes and anything associated with it. In the independent t-shirt industry, I believe I was the first person to go all out with this cupcake / baking motif. I've made a tremendous amount of sacrifices and risks to make it the homegrown, family run, fun, limited business that it is, since I dropped out of high school and sold my t-shirts out of my rusty car. With my brands main focus on my customers and their experience, I think I've been doing a pretty swell job at it.


Last Spring I was alerted by a customer who happened to work at a popular mall sportswear store. This customer of mine caught a glimpse of his manager’s catalog which had various items that were being released in the near future at all of their mall locations. One of the items in this companies catalog was a "Make Pastry Not War" t-shirt. Not only was it a very similar slogan, but it had the same EXACT placement, font, EVEN A CUPCAKE in the center of the t-shirt. This was no coincidence. Weeks later my inbox was flooded with furious Johnny Cupcakes customers who saw this same catalog with the 'Pastry' design in it. I could of made a big deal about it online, making everyone else aware of it. Instead, I decided not to be a cry baby and post it all over the internet, so I sought out a different route. I decided to contact my trademark attorney, who then contacted the owners of Pastry / Pastry Kicks. We got in touch with the President of a certain mall chain-store who ended up declining the order of all 'Make Pastry Not War' t-shirts.
" - Johnny cupcakes

The thing that baffles me, is why would two girls who're famous via MTV, have to stoop so low to create such similar items, never mind brand? Maybe they're both really great girls who happened to hire some not-so-great designers? I'm not sure what the case is, but I do know that this should be brought to everyone's attention. "
and what's so nice about him is that he's keeping his cool about everything and all he's ask is for some support so if you real helping him let it be known what pastry's is doing is wrong then contact them at the links below.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Chasing pavement

So this morning while i was getting my little brother ready for school this music video came on called " Chasing pavement" by a new upcoming singer Adele, when they spoke about her i pay no attention but what had caught my eye was the music video that played although the video was simple i found it to be cute and make much sense and went with what she was singing.  She has such a light voice that just soothes you and the message to me is beautiful it's about this girl who's wondering should she continue on in her relationship or move on with her life.  But what i like the most was one specific lyric " should i just move on or just keep chasing pavement" and i that quote could be referred to your life because i know that we all at one point thought that we were at a cross road and was stuck on wheather to stay or move on.
And if your interested to see you the video your more than welcome to check it out below.

another a=new underground artist that i actually came upon on myspace and fell in love with her music instantly for the fact that she is different more, she reminds me of M.I.A., now im not saying that there exactly alike because there not what i mean is that M.I.A. experiments with her beats and it's usually something you never heard before and this artist i feel is the same way very different. her name is Felili and her music is much soul/indie
and her music is just feel good and holds a message in each of her songs and i like music that can carry out a message and her music does just that now i can't give you a video and i'm very sorry being that she is really unknown she doesn't have music videos but hopefully soon she will, but you can still check out her myspace and listen to her music and also i have her song on my page. Photobucket http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=2745743

You can't have your cake and eat it too

I never quite understood the whole saying " you can't have your cake, and eat it too" to me that saying never made much sense, tell me what"s the whole point of getting a cake and not eating it and although it's a figure of speech i still don't think it applies.  I recently read a blog where the chick used the quote comparing it to her life where she feels contained.  In my personal opinion no matter how much someone tries to put limits on our lives and take control they never can unless we allow them, we are the chaufor of our own lives and we control the path we choose to take and no one else.  Life in it's own is a challenge and it's up to us to figure how to deal with it, i strongly believe that god would never give us something we can not handle.  And usually defeat is a figure of our own imagination.  We make the decisions to do and say what we please how else do yo think we learn and grow.  It's better to have made a mistake and grow rather than to regret and wonder why.  Thats how we grow into the person that we are.  So life is what you make of it and what you allow it to become.

Monday, January 12, 2009

A hole in the the skin

For as long as i can remember piercings and tattooes has always fascinated me, and never failed to catch my attention.  It started simple as getting my belly button done and since then has been such an addiction that of coarse has led to much more.  I never knew why i always seemed to find myself craving for another piercing or another tattoo all i knew was that i just did.  As i said before it started innocently enough as a belly button ring to  a little nose ring, which now i stand with my belly button, both nipples, 0g in both ears and my newest my septum.  But of coarse i had my monroe done and snake bites done which are one ring on each side of the bottom lip and on on the top lip but are now removed because i had to much going on. As far as tattooes i have 3 which my first is on my lower hip which is a chinese symbol that means " pleasure" of coarse i know what your thinking something meaning sexual but in chinese it means anything that makes you happy such as hope, faith, pure happiness is a form of pleasure, my second tatt was initials and a date of me and an ex which i chose to cover up with a heart and 2 birds with halo's on my right shoulder blade and last is of 2 stars behind my ear.  And to me each and every piercing to tatt means something to me cuz it defines a certain time in my life that i went through certain situations.  But what i realize that what was once frowned upon has become such a " trend", like every where i go i see someone with piercings and so many tatts which really bothers me because piercings and tatts means so much more to me than a silly fad to me it's self expression, a simple memory and i see that people are just doing it just because they see others with it or just because they look cool.  But to me is so much more, when i feel a certain way wheather it be that i'm mad or simply happy or it can be something such as my birthday or a graduation i express it in my tatts and my piercings and it also brings such confidence to me, and just to watch it just be use as a fad really pisses me off, it's like there's no originality anymore, because it was a way of feeling different and unique.  And now its like going out and buying a tee that everyone gets.  I also hate the fact that people now a days wants to anaylze me like seriously if your not a phychologist than don't fucking analyze me telling me my tatts and piercings are a form of self mutualation and that it's simply a cry for help.  No it fucking isn't i am very much happy with who i am, and very much loved by everyone in my life to hurt myself so do me a favor and keep your shit to your self. :D

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Shoot the falling star

If it's one thing that i have learned, is that i never really do learn. I quite don't make much sense but in a world of my own i make all the sense. You would think that living in this world for as long as i have i would learn to pick up on things as i go along. But in reality i don't as much as i want to say i know better i don't and as much as i want to say i have a clue i don't. By now i would think that i would have what you call common sense something i very much lack of. I make friends just to lose them. I trust people just to get hurt and betray and i always put my heart in the wrong hands. And you would think as time goes by and you go through the motions you learn these simple rules as friends only last as you allow them to but the chances of them becoming a part of the past is very much real. Or that you never trust every one that you come across ,that trust is something some one earns and that you never leave your heart unguarded. But as for me as for my brain i didn't get that memo, so where does that leave me? in one f***ed up situation. I'm a puzzle who's missing it's pieces, a story thats on going because it can't find the right ending, and that all makes you think what has become of myself nothing much really stands out about me, no special talents that i know of and i'm not some prodigy, happy family has never been something of my life, a clean cut girl has never been who i am or who i was, so how do you decribe someone as confused and left in the shadows as i am. well you don't you just let it be because with all the trying your just setting yourself for just craziness. I don't know who i am but i am searching and i believe one day that i will find her, it may not be now or it may not be never but i wont ever push the fact that im just unidentified and i'll take my time because i'm still growing and shoot the falling star as fast as you can because this might be the last chance you might ever catch her.