Thursday, January 29, 2009
Ever since I can remember I've always had my heads up in the clouds. You can say I was something of a dreamer, my mom always said I lived in a fantasy world and need to come back down to earth. But of coarse with me being so hard headed I just pushed what she had to say aside. And trust me did I fall flat and hard on my ass. I always had this cinderella concept of love where you find your prince charming and fall madly in love and than you live happily ever after. How I quickly found out that was a crock of shit. I dated in search of something I had no clue of and I went through the motions where girl meets guy, girl thinks she's in love or deeply in like, guy turns out to be a jerk and there goes the end of that. There was my problem I was in such a rush in such a hurry to find love when I didn't know how it felt. I only went by what I heard and thought I saw, which I soon found out that most of the people that told me how happy and in love they were was all a crock of shit, it was just a way not to show how crappy of a relationship they were in. I always said that would never be me, be someone who stays in a relationship miserable and unhappy, especially when my parents split. But I ended up finding myself in the same exact relationship I promised I wouldn't be in. So here I was with this guy who everyone warned me about, my family hated him, and arguements out the whaa zoo. I never paid any mind to the signs that told me to run as fast and far away as possible but as stupid as I was I stayed and dealt with the nonsense that came with him such as his physco family who were so crazy I don't even know how they weren't arrested or put in the circus. I also dealt with all his verbal abuse and physical, all the embarrassment . Not to mention his bad habit with infidelity. He hurt and I forgave thought I was in love, because we almost made it into our one year mark but he decided that single was what he wanted so he let me go, now I was hurt im not going to lie, of coarse I thought I was in love had to be if I was with him for so long even got him tattooed to me. But as time went by I moved on and did the whole dating which didn't turn out so good. If it wasn't one thing it was another I couldn't find myself or force myself to be happy with any of these guys, they all seemed to be jerks, and very rude and only wanted one thing sex sex sex. I was betrayed by friends who I tried dating, and it was than when I finally realized enough was enough I so badly feened for love but had no clue how it felt, so I decided to give up on this whole finding love I started to lose faith and just think it was all a figure of our imagination. It wasn't till love found its way to me, well I didn't know it at first, because it came to me in disguise. I know many of you has been through this situation friend likes you but you don't see friend like that. Well I didn't know that secretly my friend had liked me, and besides I didn't see him like that but let me tell you although I didn't see him more than a friend I can't lie he was so hot and that didn't go unnoticed everyone at school was on him like flies on shit, but still I didn't see him in that light it was till my friend Nati told me to try because she could see he really liked me, and so I said what the hell, and it wasn't till we kissed that for the first time in my life I felt butterflies and actually turned red, we took things slow, and ten months later we're together and im in love. Of coarse we have our differences and at times we are at eachothers throat, but we're always there for one an other, and nothing compares to the way he makes me feel, nothing else seems to exist and when im sad or mad it never last and at the end im happy that its with him I feel the way I do. And it never gets old that each and everytime we kiss I feel the butterflies. I can actually say I found someone who excepts me for me, through the good the bad and the ugly and trust me I have many of those, he excepts me for my moodiness and my bad habits, and he loves me the same. Never have I felt so comfortable with anyone the way I do with him. He's my everything and I wouldn't have it any other way, because what I learned is love is not how long your with someone but going through the good, the bad, the ugly and making through the obstacles that come your way and being able to come out loving each other the same way you did going in, nothings ever perfect but the imperfections and the moments are what makes it all worthwhile, and I guess fairytale endings do happen just let them come to you. Love is unexpected so let it happen unexpectedly.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
So while I was flipping through the channels, because i 've basically seen every episode of CSI or the real world I stumbled on something that caught my attention on channel 51 called THS investigation which the topic was " Love that kills". Which basically was how lovers turn into pyscho's and kill there partners and well we all know how that ends up very violent and gruesome, and some one ends up dead. But there was one story told about how a lot of women were turning up postive for H.I.V. . Ok so I know what your thinking these bitches are stupid, and don't know how to play it safe. Well yea who wouldn't think that but that wasn't the case the virus was spread by someone they trusted. Now he's being charge for attempeted murder and is now facing life in jail, because to known evidence he knew he held the H.I.V. virus and decided to continue on in his "sexcapades" as I would like to call it. In his defense he said he had no knowledge and when he was told that he was a suspect in spreading the virus among thousands of girls he said he went to get tested but never received results. And when asked how come he didn't use the precautions in having safe sex he simply replied " I don't believe in condoms, I don't like them". He blames these actions on fast living, fast women and fast drugs. So that goes to show you never really know what people are capable of doing even when you trust them, and never think that things can never happen to you, because the truth is it can. And another thing is if someone you love is abusing you verbally or physically it's not only hurting you mentally but it can escalade into more so becareful and don't be scared to reach out for help, because as much as you think you know someone you never really know them 100 %.
with that being said I will try and find the interview for this and post it, and will be fixing my blog when I can, because I can't do much from a kick. thank you
with that being said I will try and find the interview for this and post it, and will be fixing my blog when I can, because I can't do much from a kick. thank you
Saturday, January 24, 2009
One thing I don't quite understand is why would anyone in there right mind would go as far as trapping a guy by getting pregnant. Now I know that there are many girls out there that feel co-dependent of there man or feel that maybe having a kid would repair the damage to there relationship or even have them stay but in nearly every situation that isn't even the case. I'm not coming out of no where with this I know a girl who has recently made 10 months with the guy she's with and she got pregnant when they were at 9 months now to her it was a relationship but clearly to him he didn't see it that way and she felt if she had a baby he would stay, because his plans were to leave her, he couldn't even stand her. But he stayed because he realized he had to own up to what he had done, and now she's complains how he's just a jerk and he plays her. he does what he please and he treats her like shit so where does that leave her alone and pregnant not to mention miserable. So tell me is it worth giving up your life to a man that's not even worth it. Come on girls where's your self respect, your dignity, trapping a guy into pregnancy isn't the right thing to do if he doesn't want you let him go, know when you do stupid things like this it not only hurts you but the baby you carry. these girls need to wisen up because a man isn't everything and if a man is determined to leave he'll leave so be smart and think.
Now im one who's all up for reality tv, lets face it what's better than having the drama and the entertainment of people making fools out of themselves in front of the camera for the world to see. Besides its the safe way to gossip and have a quick laugh without actually getting into a messy situation. And although im all up for reality tv, but lets get serious we basically seen it all, and its like the creators don't know what to come up with. Shows like the " real world" which has been playing on Mtv for awhile doesn't seem to get old well with me any way. But reality shows based on love has been playing out quickly. When the " flavor of love" aired on Vh1 I have to say I fed into the hype and loved the show even to the second " flavor of love" but when it got to the third my interest to the show was hanging by a string. When they had introduced " I love New york" I was excited and when I heard there was a second one I also was interested. And I have to admit I loved the " rock of love" one and two, but than Vh1 decided to kick off yet other seasons such as the " rock of love tour bus" or shows such as " charm school for the rock of love girls and flavor of love girls" I have to say come on when are you going to realize you played out the glory of such shows and it's time to come forward with new shows but they continue they even had " love with real and chance" and now there going to air a show with Brandy's brother Ray j where he's looking for love and I got to say I have no interest in watching that shit what so ever. I seen it all before, I think its time for new and fresh ideas and it's 09 its time to have new things so I guess we will see, because to me reality is seeming to become dull with each moment where's the excitement man.
Friday, January 23, 2009
So for the past couple of nights sleep has become non-existant and resting my eyes has been quite difficult. tossing and turning for the most is what my night consist of, and the nights I do nod off seem to be filled with bits and pieces of a dream that I find it hard to make out, and I don't know why this is. lately I've been kind of a debby downer as you may say, and I don't know why because for the most part im happy with my life, but I feel as if something is missing and I can't seem to put my finger on it but I do feel that I have a void that needs to be filled. Now don't get me wrong my life is filled with all the love that I need, and im in an amazing relationship but for some reason I feel im at some kind of stand still and I don't even know what direction to go in. I feel as if im relying on my boyfriend and our relationship to make things better and that's not how I want things to be. but don't jump into the conclusion that im co-dependent on my relationship im still independent. but it's like you know when you feel down you run to your safe place to fix it all some run to drugs or liquor or something that makes them happy well that's what I have been doing. I always thought once I finished h.s. my life would just fall into place but how I was wrong, because as I have realize things just don't happen like that, and it bothers me not to know what's my next move what's best for me. I feel as life has become the same thing for me just this same old routine and I'm so over it, I need to start working on what's best for me and start paving the way of a new path, but as im scared of this I also don't know how to go about it. so what am I do to? when I'm clueless of it all.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
So recently i have gotten into this clothing line called Johnny cupcakes where the line consist on such themes as cupcakes and pastries which seems quite cool; what drew me to this line was that the clothes are simple yet cute and not over the top and has such cute slogans such as make cupcakes not war. What i liked the most was basically the story behind it and how he tried to make his line of clothing well known, but as i have noticed is that he has came into conflict with another clothing line which you may all know called Pastries which is founded by the daughters of Rev run and there line also consist of the same theme. But as Johnny cupcakes has pointed out there has been a very similiar resemblence between the two lines.
"Rando mly putti ng baked items on t- shirt s and havin g an entir e brand revol ve aroun d it is free for anyon e to do. I don' t own food. Howev er, I did indee d start this brand of mine 8 years ago, havin g it's main focus be revol ved aroun d cupca kes and anyth ing assoc iated with it. In the indep enden t t- shirt indus try, I belie ve I was the first perso n to go all out with this cupca ke / bakin g motif . I've made a treme ndous amoun t of sacri fices and risks to make it the homeg rown, famil y run, fun, limit ed busin ess that it is, since I dropp ed out of high schoo l and sold my t- shirt s out of my rusty car. With my brand s main focus on my custo mers and their exper ience , I think I've been doing a prett y swell job at it.
g I was alert " - Johnny cupcakes ed by a custo mer who happe ned to work at a popul ar mall sport swear store . This custo mer of mine caugh t a glimp se of his manag er’s catal og which had vario us items that were being relea sed in the near futur e at all of their mall locat ions. One of the items in this compa nies catal og was a " Make Pastr y Not War" t- shirt . Not only was it a very simil ar sloga n, but it had the same EXACT place ment, font, EVEN A CUPCA KE in the cente r of the t- shirt . This was no coinc idenc e. Weeks later my inbox was flood ed with furio us Johnn y Cupca kes custo mers who saw this same catal og with the ' Pastr y' desig n in it. I could of made a big deal about it onlin e, makin g every one else aware of it. Inste ad, I decid ed not to be a cry baby and post it all over the inter net, so I sough t out a diffe rent route . I decid ed to conta ct my trade mark attor ney, who then conta cted the owner s of Pastr y / Pastr y Kicks . We got in touch with the Presi dent of a certa in mall chain - store who ended up decli ning the order of all ' Make Pastr y Not War' t- shirt s. "The thing that baffl"
es me, is why would two girls who' re famou s via MTV, have to stoop so low to creat e such simil ar items , never mind brand ? Maybe they' re both reall y great girls who happe ned to hire some not- so- great desig ners? I'm not sure what the case is, but I do know that this shoul d be broug ht to every one' s atten tion.
and what's so nice about him is that he's keeping his cool about everything and all he's ask is for some support so if you real helping him let it be known what pastry's is doing is wrong then contact them at the links below.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So this morning while i was getting my little brother ready for school this music video came on called " Chasing pavement" by a new upcoming singer Adele, when they spoke about her i pay no attention but what had caught my eye was the music video that played although the video was simple i found it to be cute and make much sense and went with what she was singing. She has such a light voice that just soothes you and the message to me is beautiful it's about this girl who's wondering should she continue on in her relationship or move on with her life. But what i like the most was one specific lyric " should i just move on or just keep chasing pavement" and i that quote could be referred to your life because i know that we all at one point thought that we were at a cross road and was stuck on wheather to stay or move on.
And if your interested to see you the video your more than welcome to check it out below.
another a=new underground artist that i actually came upon on myspace and fell in love with her music instantly for the fact that she is different more, she reminds me of M.I.A., now im not saying that there exactly alike because there not what i mean is that M.I.A. experiments with her beats and it's usually something you never heard before and this artist i feel is the same way very different. her name is Felili and her music is much soul/indie
and her music is just feel good and holds a message in each of her songs and i like music that can carry out a message and her music does just that now i can't give you a video and i'm very sorry being that she is really unknown she doesn't have music videos but hopefully soon she will, but you can still check out her myspace and listen to her music and also i have her song on my page. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=2745743
I never quite understood the whole saying " you can't have your cake, and eat it too" to me that saying never made much sense, tell me what"s the whole point of getting a cake and not eating it and although it's a figure of speech i still don't think it applies. I recently read a blog where the chick used the quote comparing it to her life where she feels contained. In my personal opinion no matter how much someone tries to put limits on our lives and take control they never can unless we allow them, we are the chaufor of our own lives and we control the path we choose to take and no one else. Life in it's own is a challenge and it's up to us to figure how to deal with it, i strongly believe that god would never give us something we can not handle. And usually defeat is a figure of our own imagination. We make the decisions to do and say what we please how else do yo think we learn and grow. It's better to have made a mistake and grow rather than to regret and wonder why. Thats how we grow into the person that we are. So life is what you make of it and what you allow it to become.
Monday, January 12, 2009
For as long as i can remember piercings and tattooes has always fascinated me, and never failed to catch my attention. It started simple as getting my belly button done and since then has been such an addiction that of coarse has led to much more. I never knew why i always seemed to find myself craving for another piercing or another tattoo all i knew was that i just did. As i said before it started innocently enough as a belly button ring to a little nose ring, which now i stand with my belly button, both nipples, 0g in both ears and my newest my septum. But of coarse i had my monroe done and snake bites done which are one ring on each side of the bottom lip and on on the top lip but are now removed because i had to much going on. As far as tattooes i have 3 which my first is on my lower hip which is a chinese symbol that means " pleasure" of coarse i know what your thinking something meaning sexual but in chinese it means anything that makes you happy such as hope, faith, pure happiness is a form of pleasure, my second tatt was initials and a date of me and an ex which i chose to cover up with a heart and 2 birds with halo's on my right shoulder blade and last is of 2 stars behind my ear. And to me each and every piercing to tatt means something to me cuz it defines a certain time in my life that i went through certain situations. But what i realize that what was once frowned upon has become such a " trend", like every where i go i see someone with piercings and so many tatts which really bothers me because piercings and tatts means so much more to me than a silly fad to me it's self expression, a simple memory and i see that people are just doing it just because they see others with it or just because they look cool. But to me is so much more, when i feel a certain way wheather it be that i'm mad or simply happy or it can be something such as my birthday or a graduation i express it in my tatts and my piercings and it also brings such confidence to me, and just to watch it just be use as a fad really pisses me off, it's like there's no originality anymore, because it was a way of feeling different and unique. And now its like going out and buying a tee that everyone gets. I also hate the fact that people now a days wants to anaylze me like seriously if your not a phychologist than don't fucking analyze me telling me my tatts and piercings are a form of self mutualation and that it's simply a cry for help. No it fucking isn't i am very much happy with who i am, and very much loved by everyone in my life to hurt myself so do me a favor and keep your shit to your self. :D
Thursday, January 8, 2009
If it's one thing that i have learned, is that i never really do learn. I quite don't make much sense but in a world of my own i make all the sense. You would think that living in this world for as long as i have i would learn to pick up on things as i go along. But in reality i don't as much as i want to say i know better i don't and as much as i want to say i have a clue i don't. By now i would think that i would have what you call common sense something i very much lack of. I make friends just to lose them. I trust people just to get hurt and betray and i always put my heart in the wrong hands. And you would think as time goes by and you go through the motions you learn these simple rules as friends only last as you allow them to but the chances of them becoming a part of the past is very much real. Or that you never trust every one that you come across ,that trust is something some one earns and that you never leave your heart unguarded. But as for me as for my brain i didn't get that memo, so where does that leave me? in one f***ed up situation. I'm a puzzle who's missing it's pieces, a story thats on going because it can't find the right ending, and that all makes you think what has become of myself nothing much really stands out about me, no special talents that i know of and i'm not some prodigy, happy family has never been something of my life, a clean cut girl has never been who i am or who i was, so how do you decribe someone as confused and left in the shadows as i am. well you don't you just let it be because with all the trying your just setting yourself for just craziness. I don't know who i am but i am searching and i believe one day that i will find her, it may not be now or it may not be never but i wont ever push the fact that im just unidentified and i'll take my time because i'm still growing and shoot the falling star as fast as you can because this might be the last chance you might ever catch her.