Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The upside of life

happy road Pictures, Images and Photos

For awhile I've been in a constant struggle with myself, no not with alcohol or drugs nothing of that sort. You can say it has been a struggle with myself, for some time I've been unhappy with the person i was and with my life and no matter how hard i tried to find a way to make things better for myself i just couldn't find some peace. For awhile i was stuck in this deep depression that just didn't seem to go away so i was living day by day unhappy and i just didn't see my life being that way. There were days i wish i didn't wake and nights i couldn't even sleep and in between that i cried till my eyes couldn't tear anymore. I felt as if all the life was just sucked out of me, and for those who have felt what i have than you will know it's not a pleasant feeling. But i knew deep down inside i would have to fight against this because i didn't want to be a person who regret not doing anything for herself. My problem was i didn't know where to start, but to me i didn't care how i started or where i would start as long as i was doing something to improve my life. Unlike many i do have a support system which is my family but most of all my boyfriend and i can't say how grateful i am to have such people in my life. But if it's one person i am grateful for the most is my boyfriend and nothing i can say or do can ever let him know the appreciation i have for him, because although he has seen me at my best, believe that he has seen me at my worst and many might turn away from me and not give a fuck but he does. He was the one to see me cry day and night time after time, having to see me just wasting a way as if life seem meaningless and just a mess. But not once did he turn the cheek and walk away he stuck it out through it all and let me say i am not an easy person to deal with, so i have to say most of my drive is from him. I haven't accomplished much but I'm working on it, I'm taking baby steps to where i got to go, and I'm in no rush. I finally got my permit after wanting it for so long, I'm enrolling into school which I'm looking for to and even though it's nothing big I'm proud of myself for at least trying to make an effort to do something with my life. I can finally say that yea I'm not sure of whats to come and my future isn't quite clear but that I'm in a place that i am truly happy with who i am, and where i am at, and i am truly happy to be with such a beautiful soul that my boyfriend is and blessed to have him in my life. Nothing is ever easy but as there are a down to things there's always a way up, so hang in there.

Friday, March 13, 2009

So my brother has been like really stuck on the movie matrix & he's always explaining it to me and i found it so funny

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Chester French

I love Chester French like Pharell says he's got that mix of beatles and motown with his own little twist, and you can't hate someone who has produced a remake to Jay-z music. Check out his music i love it & it's quite feel good too.

Monday, March 9, 2009


And for once she finds happiness with in her own life & she couldn't ask for anything else.
" Sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling, while missing something at the same time. At times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarantees. Except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life."


& love to me is my everything the way he is my world

Keeping it real

It's funny how now everyone is now wanting to claim how real they are, and how there the realest person we could ever meet. Now everyone want to say how they are so real, and way to blunt to handle, because they speak there mind. Now don't get me wrong i am all up for people having a voice and speaking up for themselves but there is a time, and place for all that. But please this whole real shit is all a joke, and people really need to face it just because you claim your real doesn't mean your real. How many times have i seen fake as bitches, and pussy ass niggas claim how real they are, and how no one wants a piece of them, the same people who are fake, the backstabbers, the hoes, the ghetto bitches, low life niggas, and especially those who go around talking shit behind everyone's back is usually the ones claiming they are so real, when even confronted on there bluff they will lie to the fullest. Now tell me if thats real, and for those who swear there shit don't stink where they feel as if there's god's gift to man kind always talking about people hate on them, because of the fact that there real, i sincerely laugh upon them because no one hates on you because your real, we hate you because you think your gold and honestly you ain't worth shit. And just because you say mean shit or put your two sense in when not needed doesn't mean your real, if no one ask's for your opinion than don't provide one. I can't tell you how many people i know who goes and say shit that ain't even cute, always saying some thing negative to bring you down then end up saying how sensitive you are and that there are such a good friend and thats why they tell it like it is, and all we can do is respect that fact. Real my ass, yeah a friend speaks the truth but not to intentionally speak words to hurt, you say mean shit because you want to not because it was needed. But what i find funny is if the tables would turn they would be hurt and say how foul you are. Another thing that urks me is how people is always talking about how they put some one on to the latest clothes or artist and gets pissed when people start saying how they been knew about it before you brought it to there attention, or how people always talk about people biting off them and want to put them on blast and humiliates them, or like on myspace if someones page has some kind of graphic that you have or your page resembles there's now they want to go hard. Some one is always going to copy off of you regardless on how original you are, just see it as how people must really like your work to find it worth copying. I'm tired of these stank ass people and it all needs to stop. I feel if you are so real as you claim you are you shouldn't have to brag about it and as corny as this might sound you should just be about it because i think those who take act speaks louder than words. I find it to be all to be nonsense and to me it's just looking like alot of wanna be's, and please please can people stop being full of themselves.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009



Have you ever woke up, and wanted to stay in bed, because you basically feel like crap. Well thats how i feel, puffy eyes, running nose, head ache and running nose is what i have, and i hate it. I feel like pure shit, and i can only imagine how unattractive i look, and for me being a person that hates medicine to a person that is drinking every medicine in her cabinet, and nothing seems to work. And it's not like i have any one to take care of me, which is having me wish on the old days when your mom use to tuck you into bed, and attend to your every needs making you soup and tea till you recover. but thats something that deminishes with age and your left to fend for yourself. And it sucks that i feel this way, i hate being sick because i don't have the power to do anything and that means i have to put everything that i usually do, or things i need to do or want to do on hold. I don't mind the headache or the little shivers here or there but i do mind nasal congestion and having to blow my nose constantly, which with me i'm constantly blowing my nose, and now i look like rudolph the red nose reindeer with a huge tissue burn on my face. I tried all the medicine and nothing seems to work, everyone is telling me to try the nasal spray but i don't want to i find it very uncomfortable and just dont like it. I wish there was a magic medicine that works instantly upon using it, because i can't stand to feel this way. All i want is to be pampered and to be cared for, and for someone to help me out, and although my boyfriend is helping me as much as he can, he can't be there all the time i hate the fact that he has to go off for work, and it's not because i'm lazy or want to be lazy i just feel i need a break to recover. Plus i need to figure out which medicines can rapidly work and help me, because vics 44 and theraflu just isn't doing it

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Words of pain

domestic abuse.

Why is it that i feel so trapped?, i try to run just to get pulled back, i try to escape but feel as if i'm going no where. With each day that passes by i feel as if it's the end, the end of who i am, and what makes me well me. I try to breathe deep but i feel as if your hands are around my throat, just making it harder for me to breathe. I cry and i see no remorse, just simple sorries and i forgive because i love, knowing that those sorries hold no meaning but in my heart to me those words are hope. hope that you see what your doing, and see that you need to change. But everytime it's the same old story, i should know by now that those sorries hold no meaning. My mind says to leave, because i deserve it, but my heart says to stay because you deserve it. By day i hold a smile hoping to fool those who believe i'm happy, because god forbid they must see my pay, but by night i toss and turn pillow full of tears, and those nights that once we're filled with dreams are now filled with nightmares, nightmares that consist of you. Tears run down my face day by day, and i wonder will they ever stop, i think to myself how can someone you love just build you up just to bring you down. When you think all is good, and the world seems to be nothing but a dream, than with a blink of an eye that is all gone, because the one you love chooses to let it shatter. Now what am i do, when you say such mean things, you say your going to change, and you say you will be better, but that's never the case, change never comes. Why can't you respect me and except me for who i am, you say it's normal to fuss and fight and that i know is true, but what we have is unhealthy and sometimes i question if my life my love with you is true. Why must you feel that your always right as if my decisions and all i believe is wrong, i thought we were suppose to play it fair, but when i do something you dislike you scream and shout fuss and fight and say such horrid things. Your words are like a thousand swords just ripping through my flesh, and i'm not excpected to give the slightest scream, because it's not allowed. Why must you treat me like some random object, your not my father nor my mother so why demand such things. We are to be as equal as one, but you divide us. How can you love me so dearly, but hurt me and tear me apart within minutes, do you not care. I call it abuse, and you say how come i refer it to as abuse when you never once touched me. And that may be true, but in all the while your words are harsh and set to hurt, which to me it hurts for it is breaking my heart and with out my heart i simply might die. For you may not have touched me in such hurtful ways, but you say such hurtful words leading to verbal abuse. I need to escape, my mind, the pain, my heart for loving you, but most of all i need to escape you. Why must you continue to hurt me when all i do is love you, i may not be perfect, and i may do things that may urk you or piss you off, but never will i treat you the way i do. By acting this way you bring back such scornful memories, that i chose to leave behind, why must you do this why must you kill me, why must you. When will you see what your doing is wrong?, when will the change occur, when will you realize you love me and love doesn't consist of this, when will you realize it all. What i feel is you might never realize it or realize it once i'm gone.


Hello Kitty


In my latest blog i spoke about the newest line to Mac's cosmetics which is Hello kityy, which i had explained it was a must have. I have to say this was one time i had fell into the whole hype around this new line, i fell in love with it as soon as i saw pictures and i knew ii had to have it. But i didn't want to get my hopes up too high, although Mac is known for there excellent makeup, they we're introducing such very different things, and what happens with hype usually comes disappointment in finding out that things aren't as great as expected. So with my mind set, i decided to check things out for myself and decide. Minutes upon walking into the Mac store after looking around, i instantly laid my eyes upon everything Hello kitty, and i was hooked like a kid in a candy store. Although there selection wasn't really big due to the items selling out like hot cakes, still had appeal to them, and even though i wanted to take everything there with me, i decided to buy a compact that came in such a cool color. The colors for this line, is very bright, and girly good for the summer, and might look at to scary, because no girl wants to look like a clown, they have makeup assistance where they will let you try the makeup before purchasing. I fell in love with the pink rosy blush called tippy but ended up getting a powder compact in tahitian which was so smooth on my face, and gave me such a natural glow, and it didn't feel as if i didn't have any makeup on, and it i looked the part as well, which i love. Now they have lip gloss, eye shadows, blushes, beauty powder, to littile accessories such as makeup bags, charm bracelets, to a little doll of hello kitty. But my favorite part of the visit is that they give you a free little tote bag with any hello kitty purchase, you don't even have to buy much just one item and the bag is yours.