Sunday, March 1, 2009

Words of pain

domestic abuse.

Why is it that i feel so trapped?, i try to run just to get pulled back, i try to escape but feel as if i'm going no where. With each day that passes by i feel as if it's the end, the end of who i am, and what makes me well me. I try to breathe deep but i feel as if your hands are around my throat, just making it harder for me to breathe. I cry and i see no remorse, just simple sorries and i forgive because i love, knowing that those sorries hold no meaning but in my heart to me those words are hope. hope that you see what your doing, and see that you need to change. But everytime it's the same old story, i should know by now that those sorries hold no meaning. My mind says to leave, because i deserve it, but my heart says to stay because you deserve it. By day i hold a smile hoping to fool those who believe i'm happy, because god forbid they must see my pay, but by night i toss and turn pillow full of tears, and those nights that once we're filled with dreams are now filled with nightmares, nightmares that consist of you. Tears run down my face day by day, and i wonder will they ever stop, i think to myself how can someone you love just build you up just to bring you down. When you think all is good, and the world seems to be nothing but a dream, than with a blink of an eye that is all gone, because the one you love chooses to let it shatter. Now what am i do, when you say such mean things, you say your going to change, and you say you will be better, but that's never the case, change never comes. Why can't you respect me and except me for who i am, you say it's normal to fuss and fight and that i know is true, but what we have is unhealthy and sometimes i question if my life my love with you is true. Why must you feel that your always right as if my decisions and all i believe is wrong, i thought we were suppose to play it fair, but when i do something you dislike you scream and shout fuss and fight and say such horrid things. Your words are like a thousand swords just ripping through my flesh, and i'm not excpected to give the slightest scream, because it's not allowed. Why must you treat me like some random object, your not my father nor my mother so why demand such things. We are to be as equal as one, but you divide us. How can you love me so dearly, but hurt me and tear me apart within minutes, do you not care. I call it abuse, and you say how come i refer it to as abuse when you never once touched me. And that may be true, but in all the while your words are harsh and set to hurt, which to me it hurts for it is breaking my heart and with out my heart i simply might die. For you may not have touched me in such hurtful ways, but you say such hurtful words leading to verbal abuse. I need to escape, my mind, the pain, my heart for loving you, but most of all i need to escape you. Why must you continue to hurt me when all i do is love you, i may not be perfect, and i may do things that may urk you or piss you off, but never will i treat you the way i do. By acting this way you bring back such scornful memories, that i chose to leave behind, why must you do this why must you kill me, why must you. When will you see what your doing is wrong?, when will the change occur, when will you realize you love me and love doesn't consist of this, when will you realize it all. What i feel is you might never realize it or realize it once i'm gone.


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