For awhile I've been in a constant struggle with myself, no not with alcohol or drugs nothing of that sort. You can say it has been a struggle with myself, for some time I've been unhappy with the person i was and with my life and no matter how hard i tried to find a way to make things better for myself i just couldn't find some peace. For awhile i was stuck in this deep depression that just didn't seem to go away so i was living day by day unhappy and i just didn't see my life being that way. There were days i wish i didn't wake and nights i couldn't even sleep and in between that i cried till my eyes couldn't tear anymore. I felt as if all the life was just sucked out of me, and for those who have felt what i have than you will know it's not a pleasant feeling. But i knew deep down inside i would have to fight against this because i didn't want to be a person who regret not doing anything for herself. My problem was i didn't know where to start, but to me i didn't care how i started or where i would start as long as i was doing something to improve my life. Unlike many i do have a support system which is my family but most of all my boyfriend and i can't say how grateful i am to have such people in my life. But if it's one person i am grateful for the most is my boyfriend and nothing i can say or do can ever let him know the appreciation i have for him, because although he has seen me at my best, believe that he has seen me at my worst and many might turn away from me and not give a fuck but he does. He was the one to see me cry day and night time after time, having to see me just wasting a way as if life seem meaningless and just a mess. But not once did he turn the cheek and walk away he stuck it out through it all and let me say i am not an easy person to deal with, so i have to say most of my drive is from him. I haven't accomplished much but I'm working on it, I'm taking baby steps to where i got to go, and I'm in no rush. I finally got my permit after wanting it for so long, I'm enrolling into school which I'm looking for to and even though it's nothing big I'm proud of myself for at least trying to make an effort to do something with my life. I can finally say that yea I'm not sure of whats to come and my future isn't quite clear but that I'm in a place that i am truly happy with who i am, and where i am at, and i am truly happy to be with such a beautiful soul that my boyfriend is and blessed to have him in my life. Nothing is ever easy but as there are a down to things there's always a way up, so hang in there.
Where have you been, doll?
ReplyDeleteI hope all is well in your world. :)